Oh, how I envy those who have celebrated Shabbat as part of their lives since childhood. For them, the routine and ritual of the event seems to come naturally: they were there to help set the Shabbat table, listen to their parents and grandparents recite the blessings, sing songs that are now etched in their memories, and read Torah at Saturday services with friends and neighbours. I envy the innate comfort they have with the holiday, the effortlessness with which they participate, the sense of security and connectedness that its practice brings. As a Jew trying to come back to my Jewishness, I have had to learn the Shabbat rituals and obligations, sifting through religious texts, rabbinic instruction, historical overviews, how-to-guides, and directives from well-meaning columnists, bloggers, and friends. As a Reform Jew, I have then had to critically examine these obligations and their meaning within the context of my personal circumstances. As the Central Conference of American Rabbis (CCAR) stated in the Centenary Perspective of 2004, “within each area of Jewish observance Reform Jews are called upon to confront the claims of Jewish tradition, however differently perceived, and to exercise their individual autonomy, choosing and creating on the basis of commitment and knowledge.” In what follows, I have outlined the Shabbat I have created with my family, informed by the mitzvot of remembering Shabbat and keeping it holy.

GENERAL PREPARATIONS

∞ Plan the Meal
Our favourites include BBQ chicken with rice/fries; beef and lamb kebabs with hummous and rice; pizza; chef’s salad, assorted cheeses and fresh fruit. Anything easy that doesn’t require too much cooking!

∞ Purchase Challah and Wine/Grape Juice
Buy extra for the freezer and the pantry.

∞ Tidy the House
We put away anything that reminds us of work and school and try to put everything in view of the Shabbat table in its proper place.

∞ Have Music Ready
Shabbat play list. Don’t have any good Shabbat music? Just enter the search term “Shabbat” on iTunes and you’ll find a plethora of choices!

TABLE ITEMS

∞ Table Linens
I’m still looking for table linens that inspire me. For now, we use a white embroidered table cloth with linen napkins  (I love, love, love this one by Yair Emanuel, available on judaicawebstore.com):

∞ Flowers
This is a task I leave to my daughters. They find all kinds of lovely flowers just outside our door.

∞ Candlesticks, Candles and Matches
Here is a picture of our lovely Shabbat candlesticks: 

∞ Challah Tray with Challah Cover
We use a simple silver plated-serving tray for our Challah, covered with a beautiful embroidered Challah cover:

∞ Kiddush Cup
Here is a picture of our lovely Kiddush Cup:

∞ Wine Glasses
We use wine glasses for everyone on Shabbat, something the children love.

∞ Bencher
We’ve crafted our own with the recitations and prayers that mean the most to us and best reflect our principles and values. See them below. Craft your own, print and laminate them.

∞ Copy of the Weekly Torah Portion
Here’s where we get ours: http://www.hebcal.com/sedrot/.

FRIDAY NIGHT TIMELINE

∞ Erev Shabbat Service
We have no synagogue here in Accra, Ghana, so I join a congregation in London through their live broadcasts (London is only an hour ahead of us, so it means I can enjoy the service right before Shabbat dinner). Here is my favourite for Kabbalat Shabbat: Finchley Reform Synagogue http://www.frsonline.org/WatchOnline/.

∞ Ensure Everyone is Home by 18:00
Now is the time to think about how to make Shabbat different from other nights. Here is one way: http://www.sabbathmanifesto.org/. Write your own manifesto that reflects the character of your family.

∞ Set the Table
This sets the scene for Shabbat for our family. I ask the children to help me.

 ∞ Shalom Aleichem
Find a fabulous version here: http://youtu.be/LBYJbR-3RVM. When my family hears Shalom Aleichem playing they know it is time to come to the table and leave the other things they are doing. It is a perfect prompt.

∞ Light the Candles
Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, melech haolam, asher kid’shanu b’mitsvotav, v’tsivanu l’hadlik ner shel Shabbat.
As we journey together through life, may such flames as these light our way and ever remind us to bring light into the world and share the warmth and love of our hearts. Shabbat shalom.

∞ Family Blessing
May you be blessed and protected, may light shine upon you, may you walk in graciousness, may you feel loved and find peace.
(We say this blessing while standing and holding hands, then share hugs and kisses)

∞ Kiddush

There was evening and there was morning; the sixth day was complete. This, the seventh day, is different from all other days. Today is a day we make sacred. After wrestling with the world for six days, we pause and set this day apart. On this day, we free ourselves from work and other routine obligations. We become free. Let this time that we spend together be a time of joy. A time for rest and closeness, when we can reflect on what is important in our lives and show our love for each other.

∞ Blessing over Wine
Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, melech haolam, borei p’ri hagafen.
Let this be a symbol of celebration and joy. How lucky are we to be together to celebrate this day!

∞ Ha’Motzi
Each time we break bread, let us appreciate what we have and remember to share it with others. Let us nourish ourselves to work for peace and justice and remember those who are without. Let us feel humble in our lives of privilege and grateful for having each other.

∞ Table Talk/D’var Torah
The Union for Reform Judaism has some great tips on how to start a family Torah discussion: http://www.reformjudaism.org/torah-study-tips-leading-weekly-family-discussion. The topics found on this blog are also helpful to starting values-based discussions: http://www.torahtopicstoday.com/. We have also found these great conversation cards that help us to engage with one another: http://www.tabletopics.com and http://www.jewishangelcards.com/index.html. If all else fails, we go around the table and list three things we are happy about or grateful for.

∞ Birkat Ha’Mazon
Let us be thankful for this time we have spent together and this meal we have shared. We hope that we will continue to be sustained and nourished. May we be blessed with peace and bring peace into the world.

∞ Family Activity
Usually we watch a movie or play a game, but we always stay home together.

SATURDAY TIMELINE

∞ Parsha Portion
For a good source of commentary on the weekly parsha portion, visit http://www.myjewishlearning.com/texts/Bible/Weekly_Torah_Portion.shtml.

∞ Shacharit Service
We have no synagogue here in Accra, Ghana, so I join congregations in London through their live broadcasts. Here is my favourite Saturday Shabbat service: Middlesex New Synagogue http://www.mns.org.uk/?page_id=3285.

∞ Rest and Family Time
Repeat after me: relax and take a nap.

∞ Havdalah
We’re still trying to incorporate this traditional end to Shabbat into our lives. One of the traditions we like involves each person committing, aloud to us all, to doing something valuable during the coming week and to report back on the results at the following Shabbat dinner. Here is a photo of our lovely Havdalah set:

I sincerely hope that these steps will help you craft a Shabbat that reflects the needs and character of your family and your life.  Shabbat shalom, remember it and keep it holy.