My three children and I had a tradition of celebrating the end of our week at work and school with Friday night “Party Night” for several years before I began my Jewish journey. This usually meant that the normal rules of the week were set aside: no-one had to do homework, take a bath or shower, or rush to get through dinner. Instead, we would go to the store and buy candy, order pizza, sit in our pyjamas and watch a movie or something on television. There was no stress or formality to the evening, and I would often let the children stay up later than usual and sometimes we would have a sleepover in my bed. We would try to eat at the table some nights, and go around the table to say three things we were happy about that week, one thing we wanted to change, and one thing we liked about the others. It was a very special time for us when we felt very close to each other.

When my now-husband moved in to our house, the only thing the children requested was that “Party Night” not be changed. My partner and I agreed, of course, and kept the night free from rigidity and rules. Now, however, my partner and I would often sit together outside and talk and share the details of our day rather than sit inside and watch cartoons with the children. For the children, the night started to become more about candy and television than it did about spending time together. They were getting older, and wanted to watch separate television shows, play by themselves on the computer or with a game console, or do something else on their own. I found that suddenly Friday night was no longer a family night, but a free-for-all, and that I was partly responsible.

My partner and I discussed this and began to consider whether we wanted to bring the values of Shabbat into these evenings. We wanted to formalize a time that we would spend as a family without the rush and stress that we normally felt through the week. A “Party Night” where we returned to the table to share and celebrate together. And so we took our first steps into celebrating Shabbat. We now try to set the table nicely, with a table cloth and linen napkins. The children get wine glasses to drink from. We light the Shabbat candles together and everyone gets a hug from each person in the family and says they love each other. We pour sparkling grape juice into wine glasses and uncover two small loaves of challah, which we put on a silver plate. We have no pre-set meal at these times, but try to serve something different than what we would eat during the week. We make an effort to go around the table and talk about our week, how we are feeling, and what we are happy for.

We have refined our Friday night Shabbat dinner to include some of the recitations that accompany the lighting of the candles, the blessing of the children, the wine and the challah, and the prayer that follows the meal. We try to make any prayer we use one of intention and giving thanks, one in which we express the hopes and the values we want to uphold in our lives, both individually and as a family. Here are some of the Shabbat prayers that speak to us:

Candle-Lighting:

As we journey together through life, may such flames as these light our way and ever remind us to bring light into the world and share the warmth and love of our hearts.

Blessing Over the Wine:

Let this time that we spend together be a time of joy. A time for rest and closeness, when we can reflect on what is important in our lives and show our love for each other.

Blessing Over the Challah:

Each time we break bread, let us appreciate what we have and remember to share it with others. Let us nourish ourselves to work for peace and justice and remember those who are without. Let us feel humble in our lives of privilege and grateful for having each other.

We are still practicing Shabbat and refining the elements we include. It has been a learning process and, just like the journey to Judaism,  doesn’t feel complete quite yet…